Sunday, February 05, 2012

I Ate Your Pork Fried Cat




Feral Felines Overrun The City!
by Jolie Blond

05/02/01


Over a million stray cats in L.A.,

said the director of an animal shelter today.

And this being mating season,

we're going to be up to our armpits in the little fuckers.


The story was announced

as "Feral Felines Overrun The City!!"

( The tv newscaster was borderline hysterical:

Omigod! Omigod! The cats are coming! [pun intended] )


At first I thought they were ragging on the hookers again.

They do that,
these paramours of broadcasting,

standing out on street corners

with a mike shoved in some poor girl's face

asking, "How does it feel to be a streetwalker?"


But no, it was just cats they were ranting about
this time,

stirring up the mass media litter box,

using hyperbole to freak out
the feeble minded

and jack up station ratings.


A million-plus wild cats roaming the city.

Wow. That's a lot of pussy.

Damn. A half million square feet of mobile fur.

Boggles my mind.


Wonder

how many railroad freight cars
that would fill?

And they say there's a food shortage in town.

Do you know how many homeless
that would feed?


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