Thursday, March 17, 2011

Interview Of A Bad Actor

People eating at a soup kitchen. Montreal, CanadaImage via Wikipedia

by James Jarvis
Dec 6, 2001

Q: What is your name?
A: I use a lot of different names: Sees The Stars, Jolie Blond, A#1, Chollo Jook, White Rhino, Crusty, Ironweed, stuff like that.

Q: What do you do for a living?
A: I am a part-time beer humper at a gas station.

Q: And that pays the bills?
A: Some of them.

Q: How do you eat?
A: I get stuff from various food banks and soup kitchens.

Q: Where do you live?
A: In a crack motel in El Camino Village, south of Los Angeles.

Q: How do you pay rent?
A: I have an insane librarian/movie extra roommate who chips in and then there's the V.A. and the D.O.D.

Q: The Veterans Administration helps you?
A: As little as they can.

Q: Where did you live before the crack motel?
A: In my car and under a bridge.

Q: And before that?
A: In a Russian Dog House. A mastiff paid the rent. His name was Caesar.

Q: And before that?
A: On the floor of a 10x10 office above The Beverly Connection parking lot.

Q: And before that?
A: In various parks and parking lots.

Q: You weren't working?
A: No, I was working as a gypsy cabby. Most interesting job I've had since I moved to California from Texas.

Q: What'd you do in Texas?
A: I was a civil service B-52 aircraft mechanic.

Q: You couldn't find any B-52 work in Los Angeles?
A: No. They stopped making them.

Q: What other work have you done in Los Angeles?
A: I rode the back of a garbage truck once. Squeezed a few bags of Starbucks caramels. Lots of day labor stuff and movie extra work.

Q: What are your future goals? Where do you see yourself five years from now?
A: Riding a boxcar on a freight train to Santa Fe.

Q: Would you be willing to accept menial labor?
A: It's ALL menial to me.
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