Sunday, March 13, 2011

Flying Stoopid


by James Jarvis
05/21/01

Finally,
I have scientific proof!
I KNEW all those people
running on treadmills
early in the morning
were losing brain mass!
I knew it!
Now I have proof.

It was on the news last night.
"Frequent flying
causes your brain to shrink.
New scientific evidence."

If you look at the demographics,
you'll see what I mean,
see the connection:
People who fly frequently
are also the kind of people
who drive SUVs,

the kind of people
who yak on their cell phones
while driving those monsters,

the kind of people
who play their car stereos loud
while yakking on their cell phones
while driving those monsters,
the kind of people
who exercise on treadmills
early in the morning
so they'll have the energy
to sit at their desks all day.

It's all connected.
Skinny people are dangerously stoopid.
Now I know why.
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