Towards that end, I have been polishing up my various resumes for my January job search, trying to come up with new and innovative ways to market my dubious talents.
The internet resume I used to get my current job needed the polishing. It was half empty, quite questionable and unduly simple, just the kind of resume that will get me a security guard job, but after the holidays I may just get some ambition, so I’ve been pounding away at the resumes, trying to come up with the right stuff to keep me off the streets again.
1. Reasons for Leaving the Last Job: Terminated after saying, "I'd rather be fired."
2. Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. My termination to resignation ratio is quite reasonable.
3. My previous employers insisted that all employees get to work by 8:05 every morning. I just couldn't work under those conditions.
4. Job responsibilities included checking customers out.
5. Minor allergies to house cats, nail polish remover and Mongolian sheep.
6. Have people skills but prefer working alone.
7. I'll need full medical, three weeks vacation, stock options and maturity leave.
8. I want a boss of average height, not too tall, though not exceptionally small, preferably one slow at dodging.
9. I need just enough money to have pizza every night.
10. Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.
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