Saturday, April 23, 2011

King of the Beer Humpers: A Corporate Shill

    There's going to be a public hearing in a few days to decide whether my employer will be able to build his car wash and adult day care center on the Vietnamese Voodoo and Crackhead Smoking plot of ground next door. Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors second district supervisor Yvonne "I Never Met A Whitey I Could Stand" Brushwaite Burke is holding the hearing for a group of local residents who are against car washes and old folks homes.

    The neighbors are also concerned, it seems from their complaint, that the increased traffic will disrupt the crack heads, whores and cruising johns who are currently using the vacant lot.

    The developer who is building the car wash and fogey day care center, Ventura Leasing Corporation, has decided to bring out its big gun, its heavy weight, at the hearing, you'll never guess this one---- me. Yes me. The Fat Man. Ironweed. Crusty The Stock Boy. You heard it here first, folks. The Marquis deJolie has got himself a gig as a corporate shill.

     I will be writing my employer's talking points and helping him field questions at the hearing. I will be circulating a counter-petition to SUPPORT the project. And, typical of my cheap-assed Mediterranean employer, I will be paid bupkiss plus a dinner. My boss said that if I combed my feral hair and wore a clean pair of jeans to the hearing, he would take me out to dinner afterwards. Better be a damned good dinner. I spent a whole hour with him this afternoon going over project blueprints. I want Mediterranean chickenkabob and humus for that.

    Not to worry about me being too taken advantage of, though. I've figured an angle where I might be able to wangle a few hundred bucks on the side out of this thing. Hey, in Keynesian economics models, a few hundred bucks is better than nothing. Plus, if I pull it off for the Arco owner, the Arco manager will totally lose control of her stock boy. I'll be able to read magazines in the cooler and make the beer vendors do half my work if I want to. I'll be King of the Beer Humpers!
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