Tuesday, March 01, 2011

You Should Never Trust Customer Relations To The Stock Boy


Don't yak unless you can improve the silence.---Mudhead

The lady put two one liter bottles of Pepsi on the counter and asked for a pack of Newports Box. I asked to see the lady's ID.
"I ain't got no ID right now."
"I'm sorry, I can't sell you . . ."
"WHAT!!? I comes here every day!"
"I'm sorry."
"Nobody ever asked for my ID BEFORE!"
"I'm sorry. Really. I need to see . . ."
"I HEARD you! What you think? I can't hear? You stupid or somethin'? You mean you're NOT gonna sell me no MUTHERFUKEN CIGARETTES?"
"I'm sorry . . ."
The lady huffed out of the store, leaving the Pepsis on the counter, muttering soto voce something about crackers. Ten minutes later, she was back at the counter with her ID, fuming and ready for a scrap.
"Now gimme my gawddamned Newports," she barked as she slapped her ID down on the counter. After checking her ID quickly, I scanned the Newports and pushed them up against the sodas I had saved for her.
"I seen you selling that other lady cigarettes without asking for ID," she accused. "Why you didn't ask HER for ID?"
"She didn't look as young as you . . ." I tried to flatter her.
"That's bull! You ask ME for ID, you gotta ask EVERYONE for ID!" A line of customers was forming behind this short, youngish-looking but angry lady.
"I'm sorry . . ."
"Sorry don' cut it. I'm feeling discriminated against," she declared. People behind her were juggling their purchases for a better grip while waiting for the lady to leave.
"Ma'am, it's nothing personal . . ."
"Yes it is! I'm feeling like discrimination! You have to ask EVERYB—"
"I'm sorr—"
"This is discrimi—"
"Ma'am, you're disrupting the business and insulting me. Can we let the other customers do their bus—"
"WHA? I'm talking 'bout discrimination! You better jus—"
"LOOK, BITCH. WHY DON'T YOU JUST WADDLE YOUR BIG FAT ASS DOWN TO SOME OTHER STORE AND SPEW YOUR BULLSHIT? I AIN'T HAVING NO MORE OF THIS CRAP! GET OUT AND DON'T COME BACK WITHOUT A GUN! NOT TODAY, NOT TOMORROW. DO YOU MUTHERFUKEN UNDERSTAND THAT!? WHO'S NEXT?"
That was a couple of weeks ago. They don't let me behind the counter much anymore. Better for them. Better for me.

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