Wednesday, February 23, 2011

What Kind Of Idiot Are They?

Head-and-shoulders portrait of Chicago White S...Image via Wikipedia
Classification of Idiots

The classification system divides idiots into classes and then individual types within a class. The nomenclature for idiots is a string of 3 letters. The first represents the class of idiocy to which their type belongs. The second and third letters are an abbreviation of the type of idiot. For example:

ERA = ENIGMATIC RANDOM IDIOT

In severe cases one individual may be afflicted with two or more different types of idiocy. Unfortunately, these individuals are not rare.

Currently Identified Classes

CLUELESS IDIOCYÊ
Clueless idiocy is that which indicates a lack of understanding or knowledge in areas that others consider obvious. These idiots can be hard to spot, only revealing their idiocy after a somewhat lengthy acquaintance.

ENIGMATIC IDIOCYÊ
Enigmatic idiocy is that which does not seem to have any logical basis. There may be some reason for the idiot's behavior, but it is a mystery to the casual observer.

SELF-ABSORBED IDIOCYÊ
These idiots think that the world revolves around them. They are the hardest to deal with as they are constantly demonstrating that nothing matters to them but their own lives. Often they do not even realize that they are self-absorbed. It simply does not occur to them that they could be any other way.

Types Of Idiots

CIS - IDIOT SAVANTÊ
Idiot savants are geniuses in one or more ways, but complete screw-ups in other ways.

CBF - BLISSFULL IDIOTÊ
The victim of this form of idiocy has an almost total lack of knowledge of the world he lives in. If something does not come up in his day to day life he probably knows nothing about it. These people are often friendly and happy, perhaps because they do not know enough about the world to be dissatisfied with it.

CRE - REPETITIOUS IDIOTÊ
These people simply do not learn from their mistakes. They will continue to make the same mistakes over and over again and then seem surprised with the results.

CSO - SOCIAL IDIOTÊ
These people are usually nerds. They wear ugly clothes and say stupid-sounding things and do not seem to be able to change. They are often ridiculed and ostracized. They want to fit in with others, but can't figure out how to.

CBL - BLITHERING IDIOTÊ
This is one of the most annoying forms of idiots. They babble constantly about things that make no sense, don't matter, or just aren't interesting to anyone but themselves. Silencing them is next to impossible. Escape is the best option.

CST - STUPID IDIOTÊ
These people are just plain stupid. They are "mentally challenged" and can't help it. This is often the fault of genetics or early childhood trauma, such as being dropped on the head too often.

ERA - RANDOM IDIOTÊ
These people seem perfectly normal most of the time. But they will occasionally have an outburst of idiocy resembling one of the other classes. These outbursts are temporary in duration and unpredictable in nature. Most people who are not obviously one of the other classes are ERA's.

EMA - MALICIOUS IDIOTÊ
These people make a habit of causing harm of one sort or another to the people around them, especially those that they claim to care about. Some of these people have had an especially traumatic life, some are just assholes.

EIN - INSANE IDIOTÊ
These people frequently do crazy things just because they want to. They can be trusted to never be predictable. Life in their vicinity is never boring, but may lead to embarrassment and jail time.

ESD - SELF-DESTRUCTIVE IDIOTÊ
These people make a habit of self-injurious behavior. This could be anything from working too hard to suicidal depression. Often their parents yelled at them too much as children.

ESP - SPINELESS IDIOTÊ
These people are usually very easy-going and agreeable. They avoid conflict and will rarely say no to anyone. Often they allow themselves to be controlled and bullied by others.

ERI - REALITY IMPAIRED IDIOTÊ
These people live in their own private worlds. They see everything as they want to see it, believe nothing that they do not want to believe, and cannot be reasoned with. Eccentric millionaires and religious fanatics often fall into this category.

SMM - MEGLOMANIACIAL IDIOTÊ
These people seem completely convinced that they are near godhood and everyone else could not figure out how to breathe without help. Actually, they are often the stupidest people in a given room. They make a habit out of insulting others and telling them how to do simple things. One of these morons is likely to stand behind a plumber and tell him how to fix a sink even if the idiot has never seen a pipe before.

SSP - STUPIDLY PRIDEFULL IDIOTÊ
These people seem to have something to prove. They are ready to defend themselves from any attack, real or imagined, at any time. They are easy to offend and difficult to soothe once angered. They rarely, if ever, apologize for anything and will needlessly sacrifice things they care about to defend their "pride".

SVA - VACUUM IDIOTÊ
The vacuum idiot acts as if he is the only intelligent being in the world. He will not give serious consideration to anyone else's ideas. When he does make a mistake he will not admit it or he will insist that it was not his fault. If he is proven wrong he will become angry and belligerent, especially to the person who was arrogant enough to show him up.


So, the next time someone asks "What kind of idiot are you?" You will finally be able to give them an authoritative answer.
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