Reported sightings of the elusive James Jarvis have been met with skepticism in the wake of his bizarre disappearance. Close friends and associates have held vigil for his return and tell this reporter that the sightings are "unfounded and unsubstantiated innuendo".
To repeat the late breaking news, James Jarvis has been supposedly sighted at Texaco gas stations across the nation, belching and begging for nickles, the last being in Maui, off the coast of Hawaii. "He was in a grass skirt with a margarita in one hand and a joint in the other, it WAS a sight", one observer said. He continued, "It appeared as if he was trying to do the hula".
Another sighting reportedly took place in Scotsdale, AZ., "I was at an invite only Stevie Nicks party and he walked in by himself and stayed in a corner by the tarot card reader all night". "He was draping all her Tiffany lamps with shawls and casting a bewitching shadow about the room, I was truly frightened".
Other sightings have supposedly occurred in and around the Marshall, TX. area. Billy Bubu Bodell, an old school mate, reported that, "I seen him!, I seen him with my own eyes!" Another old chum, Bessylou, still a woman scorned from his ditching her at the high school barn prom said, "I ain't seen him, I don't wanna see him. Ever since he went to San Antomino and got all that schoolin' up to the fancy learnin' place he's just a plain ole snob!".
This reporter is still not convinced of the whereabouts or the safety of Mr. Jarvis. Along with his friends, I shall hold vigil until this bizarre missing person case is resolved. Until then, report anything you hear to me, and I will investigate.
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