• He invented ignorance.
• He thinks he's an actor. In fact, at 55 with bad skin a short memory and limited vocabulary, he thinks he's going to be the next James Bond.
• If I turn on the air conditioning on a hot day, he complains that the cold air will give him an ear infection. If I turn on the heater on a cold day, he complains the warm air will dry out his sensitive nasal passages.
• Mute is the only TV volume that doesn't bother him, except when he's watching Entertainment Tonight, then he likes blasting the volume high enough to rattle the windows and the cages of our crack-frazzled neighbors.
• He prefers to talk mostly when I'm watching something on TV. His favorite subject is why he came out to California from New Jersey, which he tells over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over until I want to slit his throat, chop him up and mail him back to Jersey, third class postage due.
• He is an expert on everything he's never attempted and will vomit his extensively erroneous information all over anyone foolish enough to come within ten yards of him: bus stop patrons, grocery clerks, gas station attendants, cops. They all avoid him.
• He prefers to place my towels and wash clothes on the wet bathroom floor which he says is perfectly clean (except that he doesn't want HIS towels there).
• He thinks that anyone who stoops low enough to hire me should automatically hire him, sight unseen.
• He snores.
• He complains about my snoring.
Tags: Revver, ten reasons, kill my roommate, invented ignorance, James Bond, Entertainment Tonight, TV volume, Hollywood, Hollywoodland, factotum, movie extra, Creepy, roommate, jarvis, funny videos, viral video
No comments:
Post a Comment