Thursday, February 19, 2009

Success


My tumor operation was a success. Listen with your headphone sound turned up and you'll hear the echo of the hole in my head. No more brain surgery for me, though (pictures available upon request). The V.A. doctors peeled my face half off. Now they have me wearing a head wrap that looks like a 1930s toothache commercial (from print ads).

I spent the last few days in a V.A. bed getting Valentines cards from high school kids, active duty Army soldiers, Shreveport civic organizations and Legionnaires. Oh, and some Mardi Gras partiers (the parade was just outside my hospital room window).

15 minutes after being discharged tonight, I was jumping out of a moving truck on IH20 headed to Marshall screaming bloody murder and curses at an 84 year-old evangelist.

The V.A. gave me a musical bong to take home. They call it an anti-static valved holding chamber, the AeroChamber Plus® ZStat™ with FLOWSIGnal® for use with my metered dose inhaler, but basically its a government issue musical bong. I play it 4 times a day.

And now my head/face is lopsided. I told one of my nurses during a percoset stupor that this is NOT the face I came in with. She cackled like only Louisianans can do.

My surgeons, Dr Yu and Dr Can (no sh*t and I think they are coital) came in and bragged that my tumor was deeply involved in ALL my facial nerve clusters and paratid gland and that they enjoyed the intriguing challenge of rerouting my wiring. I guess they get extra points for challenging stuff. They seemed happy.

I told them that what they do is so above my ability to comprehend that its like magic. Ill bet THAT made them horny. Ill bet they went off and humped like rabbits, singing We are the magic makers, who do the voodoo of the 21st century!

Ill bet they did..in their own way, I mean.

The truck-jumping incident on Interstate 20 is a whole other story. Ill bet I looked funny limping along the side of a dark Louisiana freeway all bandaged up like a car wreck survivor who had jumped out of an ambulance. Nobody picked me up. Bastards! People are bastards.

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