The legs started jerking spasmodically . . . slightly, and from the movement I could see that this thing, this red-eyed dumpster cyclops, was a blonde, a natural blonde. I was a little un- comfortable, yet mesmerized, by this spasmodically twitching pair of legs with a butt on top of it. It was rude for me to be staring. It was sort of like I had walked into someone's bathroom and accidentally caught them on the john.Anyone else in Los Angeles would've just kept walking. I've seen it: Angelinos stepping over bodies on the sidewalk. Anyone else here would've minded their own business, but not me. I've got the stupid gene. I've got the Walk Over To A Sweating Stick Of Dynomite And Pick It Up Saying "What's this?" gene.
Suddenly I heard laughter above me. No, it was more like . . . snickering. I jerked my head up and there on top of some stacked cardboard boxes next to the dumpster about three feet above my head, was the biggest, meanest-looking, giant-assed, pitch black black cat you ever saw, his teeth bared, his head jerking up and down, up and down, snickering!
Snickering? Snickering? Oh wait. I'm losing it, I thought. My synapses are misfiring. I've just slipped into some sort of Salvador Dali, surrealistic, Twilight Zone, fucked up, hallucinatory Halloween siezure.
That's what I FELT, not what I thought at the time. I wasn't forming thoughts at the time. I was pure sensory INPUT. I don't think I was thinking a single thought at the time; standing there in the dark, alone, an ass wriggling in the dumpster, a cat the size of a Puma snickering "Cheee hee hee, cheee hee hee."
There were preternatural forces at work here, but even with preternatural forces involved, there was something askew here. Something not quite . . . legal. I've been sensing dark things around me for weeks now: dark things, things that go bump in the night, not wiggle their asses at you and snicker out of cats' teeth. The dumpster gods must be crazy. I DO remember thinking one thing when I looked up and saw the cat snickering at me . . .well, not really
THINKING: remembering. I remembered a scene from an old thirties or forties horror film. The black comic relief character sees a ghost or a monster, I forget which. Pan to a closeup of his face and head. His fro stands straight up on the top of his head like a cat arching its back to do battle and he says: "Feet, don't FAIL me NOW!"
Yeah, that was my primal reaction: FEET, DON'T FAIL ME NOW!
But I was frozen in place.
END PART 2
Tags: Dumpster Gods, dumpsterdiving, dumpsterware, dumpsters, dumpster treasure, Angel Infante, security guard, Sucko Security, Casa De Toro, alley cat, crazy, factotum, viral video, revver, jarvis, marquisdejolie, Los Angels, Westwood, Culver City, UCLA, counterintuitive, party girl, college drunk, Pedro Montoya, Kerry Keating, Ping, Angel Baby, The Succubus
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