EVA: IMPRESSING THE FOUR SEASONS VALET

Tags: East Coast rapper, Four Seasons, valet, Doheny, Beverly Hills, Eva, callgirl, sex worker, escort, stripper, hooker, factotum, gypsy cab, driver, jarvis, viral video, marquisdejolie, Hollywood, Hollywoodland

Impressing The Four Seasons Valet With A Show Of Drunken Debauchery

Eva’s fourth call was Mr. Peters at The Four Seasons on Doheny. She slept in the car on the way back down the hill from Sunset, snoring gradually louder and louder until she was at full bore when we arrived.

The valet already had her door open before I could wake her. As I was shaking her awake with the valet looking on, a few of the little empty airline gin bottles fell out of her purse, tumbled out of the open door and clanked around the valet’s feet on the pavement.

“We’ve been shrdrinking,” I explained to the valet in a pretend drunken slur, “Great party, ‘hic’, but I’ve gotta catsh a plane and my friend here needsha gedera room. Can you . . .”

Eva woke up as the valet was pulling her out of the car. Her eyes were wide in confusion for a moment until she realized where she was.

“I’m okay,” she yanked her arm away from the valet, “I can walk meself.”

“Okay, honey,” I wink at the disgusted but unsuspicious valet, “She ya later.”

I drove a few blocks north to the Hughes all night grocery store on Beverly and Doheny. There are six payphones in the store’s parking lot and a no-questions-asked restroom down some rickety stairs in the back where next week’s groceries are stacked to the ceiling. It’s one of my favorite places to wait in this neighborhood. Plenty of parking and the usually disgruntled employees don’t bother you trying to help you find something when you’re walking the grocery isles killing time. I bumped into Robert Downey Jr and O.J. Simpson there and decided I liked the idea of shopping with the stars. No one showed up this night, though.

“We ‘ad a few drinks and ‘e sang me one of ‘is songs,” Eva reported when I picked her up.

“He’s a singer? Anyone I know?”

“Said ‘e was an east coast rapper. Big bloke. Never ‘eard of ‘im meself.”