EVA: DRAGON LADY HEAT

Tags: The Dragon Lady, madam, Hollywood madam, driver, gypsy cab, factotum, viral video, jarvis, marquisdejolie, marquis, Hollywood, Hollywoodland

Dragon Lady Turns Up the Heat

I was taking a break from hanging out at the pool one Tuesday night when the Dragon Lady called. No hello. No how are you. Not even ‘This is Jennifer.’ She got right down to business as if I spent every hour of every day waiting by the phone for her call. I guess a lot of people do.

I always felt the dragon’s breath on my neck whenever I talked to Jennifer. It was a very uncomfortable feeling, even when she was sending business my way. It was the feeling of being watched in that boiling pot of water: watched to see how well I was holding up under the heat.

“You drive Eva tonight. She live on Colfax. You know how to get there or no?”

By this time I had learned that ‘no’ was not a word you used with Jennifer. She had already screamed at me once for not owning a Thomas Guide, implying in her screams that any moron without enough ambition to go down to the grocery store and purchase the thing was too stupid and lazy to be employed by her.

No, it was better not to answer her at all. If I didn’t answer in 5 seconds, she would direct me.

“In Santa Monica off 405. By police station. You call her. Tell her I said you drive her tonight,” she directed.

“Ok,” I ventured.

There was a few seconds of silence on the line . . . except for a Taco Bell commercial playing on the tv in the background . . . then “click”. The line was dead.

Guess I’m picking up some extra cash tonight, I thought. Eva was Lynnie’s regular girl. Strange. He hadn’t called me to fill in for him with Eva. Wonder why?

“Guess what?” I told my son when I finished confirming with Eva over the phone, “Looks like I’m working for that scarey Asian woman again tonight. I got another one. This one’s from England.”

My son looked at me like I’d just announced I was going to work on the Compton policebomb squad wearing a “What About Reginald Denny?” tee shirt.

“You sure you know what you’re doing?” he asked.

“Not a clue.” I said happily. The ‘easy’ money in the Dragon Lady’s boiling pot of water kept me happy while my brains were being boiled.

First One At The Scene Of A Wreck

Driving down the 10 to catch the 405 exit to Eva’s apartment, I wondered about those few seconds of silence with the Dragon Lady. Had she wanted to tell me something else and thought better of it? Was there something I needed to know about this new girl but would have to find out for myself? Should I have brought some olive oil to throw on this girl’s threshhold while binding the demons with the exorcist’s prayer?

My stomach knotted and growled as I pulled in front of Eva’s apartment. I was anxious and excited. Anxious about what kind of trouble this girl might be and excited about what kind of strange, bizarre events I might witness tonight.

Driving call girls is like being an action news field reporter or ambulance driver. You’re always the first one at the scene of a wreck or other human tragedy. And God help me, I was getting hooked on the carnage and adventure.

On my nights off, I would look out over the dark, twinkly city and wonder how many hundreds of sick, twisted, strange dramas I was missing. When I was on the road for the Dragon Lady, I knew I would at least catch two or three of them.